using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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