apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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