So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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