smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
