I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
