how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
