Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
