Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
