dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
