Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
