and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
