oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Princesses don't give blow jobs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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