So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
