I need help removing her.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
