I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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