I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
