It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
