somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The ass gains better be worth it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
