We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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