i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
