So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
