I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
