dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
