Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
