I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
