I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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