I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
