sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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