My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So vagazzling was a success
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
