hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
