you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
