birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
