so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
