I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
