Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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