I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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