I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
