Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
