Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
