she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
