What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
