THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
