we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
