Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
