so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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