I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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