apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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