I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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