help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
