Already got asked if we're dating
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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