I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
